Saturday, December 29, 2007

Sniffling my way into the New Year

I picked up a cold on Christmas Day--worst. present. ever. Almost every year, I get sick over Christmas. Some years, it sets in before the big day. I have memories of being severely drugged up while opening presents or eating Christmas dinner and of being seriously miserable.

This year, the cold didn't hit until late Christmas Day and we pretty much lay around for the next few days anyway, so it didn't really cramp my style too much. Only now, I'm starting to get stir crazy and want to start doing something, but my head is stuffed and I have no energy. I started to do something yesterday, but no go. I lasted five minutes.

I would also like to start thinking. But maybe I'll wait until I go back to work in a few days. Cold or no cold, the down time has been good for me, I think. One of the things I'm thinking about for the new year is a way to be more zen, more relaxed. I'm not as wound up as some people--at least from an outward appearance--but inside, I'm a mess. I had a dream last night where I was seriously pissed because I didn't have control over a situation--and the situation was pleasant--and I was still pissed. Part of getting to the zen place is controlling what I can--including organizing my house and tasks. I'm working on resolutions for home and work. Tomorrow, I'll dig up resolutions past and see how I did and where to go from here.

I've inwardly chastised myself for spending so much time playing Civilization, watching Monk (an inspiration for organization?), and watching truly bad tv. But sometimes, I need that time to clear my head and not focus on the minutia that tend to run around in my head. If I weren't on vacation, I suspect I would have popped some pills and gone to work despite being sick even though rest is what I really need. We are a culture afraid to rest. I'm going to try to get away from that fear this year.