Thursday, May 18, 2006

Worn down

I am feeling worn down. I'm trying hard not to, but I know I feel beaten somehow. I dropped Geeky Boy off at school this morning to go to his field trip to Aquarium City and I was really sad that I couldn't go. I saw all the other parents in their shorts and t-shirts with backpacks and it just made me sad. We were late getting our slips in and besides, I can't afford a day off work. Tomorrow is May Day and I can't go to that either. Between two emergencies at work and preparing for my summer program that starts in a week, I just can't take the time.

I haven't made a lot of progress on the dissertation either and that weighs on me. Though I have plans for a long work weekend, I prefer a slow and steady progress to mad dashes. I know that I shouldn't even be worrying about the house, but I am. When I get up in the morning and am faced with cries of "We're out of milk" and "Where are some socks," it stresses me out. So then I'm stressed out going into work and that's not good.

I've also been prone to crying lately, not hard crying, just sobbing, whenever I think about what's not getting done, the future, whatever. I've also been quite crabby about everything: people on the road, random people who email me, Mr. Geeky. I might be able to write that off as hormonal, but I still think I would be out of sorts without the hormones.

Add to all of that the general state of the union and you've got one distressed Geeky Mom. I know this will all pass, but it's really hard to deal with for the moment. I think the worst part is feeling like I can't control any of it, like I'm letting outside forces dictate how I feel. I can't help it, though. I've always been affected by such things. I can't just be happy and not worry about the stuff around me and there's nothing worse than telling me I should just buck up and deal. Maybe I take things too seriously, but somebody has to, right?