Thursday, March 02, 2006

Nagging feeling of being overwhelmed

I've been home for two days with Geeky Boy, who's running a fever and who was puking (yay). I got some work done, including transcribing two of my interviews. I'm falling behind on the nit picky stuff. I've misplaced a permission slip. I've been slow to get paperwork in for Lacrosse this season. I've discovered undone homework in piles of papers. We have the talent show tomorrow for which I have to scrounge up a blue jean skirt that I know exists, but if it doesn't, I'll be off to the store. For the second time this week, we forgot to take the trash out. The cupboards are bare. Laundry is lying around in piles, some folded, some not. I'm sure there are late bills somewhere. I've just lost the ability to manage that stuff. It's been worse, I know. But with the big stuff that's going on right now (aka, the Ph.D.), I just don't have the brain power to give over to thinking about when the next permission slip is due, when chess club and lacrosse practice is, or whether I have clean underwear. And yes, Mr. Geeky is helping. But I don't like this feeling that I have no control over my environment, like any minute a social worker is going to show up and say, "We've heard you've had pizza for the last three nights and that your cereal is a little stale. I'm sorry, but we're gonna have to take the kids away so they can get some vegetables." Or, "Well, if you weren't trying be all uppity and get your Ph.D., maybe your kids would have some clean clothes." Isn't my inner voice pleasant?

In a way, it's like the AWOL stuff that Mary wrote about in Inside Higher Ed and which Bitch, Ph.D. commented on. I really like the GTD system, but I've lost faith in my system. I don't have a reliable way of collecting everything. I don't have a regular time to review and dump stuff into that system. I'm not really a detail-oriented person; I'm really not that organized. I hate dealing with the little stuff. But I will, eventually. One way I try to deal with the details is to tackle them first, but sometimes that results in getting bogged down in them.

I tihnk another thing that's bothering me right now is being away from the office for so long. That's actually where the system is working best. The lines that blur between the office and home, however, are causing me problems. There are upcoming things that need to be dealt with during work hours. I find myself sometimes distracted at work about issues at home and vice versa. Actually, I just feel sort of constantly nagged by things I need to get done, even though those things are not that important, nor late or anything like that. This is not a good thing. And, funny, I was thinking I'd take some time to do a little organization here at home, but then I'm stopped by the thought that if I do that, then I'm not getting something else done. Kind of a vicious cycle.

I think what I should really do is watch a mindless movie of some kind with Geeky Boy. The world will not come to an end if that email doesn't get sent. Really. It won't.