Tuesday, June 07, 2005

The Crack in the Cup

A while back over at Jody's place, she was talking about refilling her cup and the possibility that it has a crack in it and that it's impossible to fill. I'm feeling much the same way lately. When I first took this job, it filled my cup. It was interesting work. The people were interesting. I enjoyed. When I think about it, it's still mostly that way, but what do you do when your work is draining you and your home life is draining you. There's nowhere to go to fill your cup. And if your cup is cracked anyway . . .

I know exactly why I feel the way I do right now. It's not just the stress of projects at work and kids' birthdays and inlaws visits. Those might give me a sort of manic high if I weren't hormonally imbalanced at the moment. Seriously, having your emotional life determined by hormonal fluctuations is no fun. Because your brain says, "Man, you're being bitchy and grumpy for no reason," while your emotional center feels about 12 and wants to cry about everything. This is all because I failed to pick up a birth control prescription on time. It's amazing what that stuff does for my emotional balance.

That said, I did have a truly horrific day at work yesterday. The air conditioning in my building was broken so it was about 85 degrees. They started pouring concrete next to my building and the fumes from the truck were filtering right into my office. I couldn't leave my office because I was working on the workshop for Thursday. Then I realized that said workshop is taking place in a room with construction next door and will have to be relocated. The best alternative location is already taken. And people were calling me all day for little problems, including one phone call to assist with hooking up home DSL. People, that's why there's tech support for these products. One more time: I am not tech support for your home computer.

Then I came home and was a total grump to my whole family. I feel bad about this, but my eyes were burning from the fumes and I'd been sweating all day and I didn't get any kind of down time. I hate that. Oh, and I was going to do a couple of things last night and we had a huge thunderstorm and the electricity was out until midnight and now I feel like I have license to say--good enough, it's good enough. I don't care anymore.

I just have to get through this workshop which ends on the 13th and my summer begins. I can work on projects, guide the students through theirs and soon it will be vacation time and planning for the fall and all will be okay.

One thing's for sure, I'm not forgetting that prescription again!