Tuesday, April 05, 2005

Awake

I am awake. I hate it when this happens. It's rare, thankfully, but still. I was lying in bed thinking about the 3 good book ideas I'm sitting on and how I'm going to find the strength and motivation to bring them to fruition. One is about 25% there and completely outlined. The other two are simply electronic post-its. I have issues with implementation. I am easily set off course by obstacles. Look at the dissertation. And see? This is what I do. I have three book ideas and all I'm thinking about is past failures, past inabilities to see a project through.

I'm also thinking about the stuff in the way at the moment. There's work--hiring six students, helping to coordinate a grant, coordinating a 10-week summer program, blog tinkering, giving talks (two planned so far). There's home--taxes, bills, laundry, summer camp sign up, fall after care sign up, other crap I'm forgetting right now.

I want to forget all of that, just for a while and slip away to Starbucks or the library every night and write.

And then, there's bigger issues, like, what if I actually do this and succeed? Could I quit my job? Or, what if, because I like my job, I decide to move on? And when should I be contemplating that? In a year? Two years? But then, there's the 3 books that need to get written and tossing and turning isn't helping. Sigh. Where's my full-time cook, maid, and secretary? Mr. Geeky? Anyone?

Maybe it's just time for bed.

*I realize this is early for someone like Scrivener or even Profgrrrrl, but for me it's pretty late.