Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Stressed out

I think I'll take a page from Jimbo's book and say that I'm in some kind of weird emotional state, a cross between manic and depressive, though I don't think mine's anything truly serious. I did not do much this weekend which should have left me feeling refreshed, but it did the exact opposite. I now feel overwhelmed somehow.

First, there's money. Taxes are not looking good at all. I'm planning to take our forms that we filled out online to an accountant this week. I also re-filled out my w4 so this won't happen next year. It's also travel season for Mr. Geeky, who does not plan well, so we're having to purchase plane tickets and hotel rooms up front which puts a squeeze on us until we get reimbursed. I tried to talk to Mr. Geeky about some belt-tightening, but he kept saying, "It won't help." Well, I happen to think it will, so I can't make Mr. Geeky go along, but I'm tightening where I can.

Then there's the writing, which is just silly to stress about because I don't have to do it at all. However, last night, I was writing bits of project 2 in my head (I had worked on it quite a bit this weekend) and that kept me awake. Then I started writing an article that I've been thinking about for work in my head. That kept me awake longer. I think I'm stressed about this because these are the things that are really worthwhile in the long term, but I'm burdened by the nitpicky things which are keeping me from really focusing on them--especially the work article.

Speaking of work. I've had kind of a bad attitude about it lately. We had a small reorganization--which did not affect me at all--but others are a bit put off by it. I think that's rubbing off on me. Plus I have lots of little things to do. Things I don't like.

You remember Gulliver and the Liliputians? I feel like all these things are like the Lilliputians, tying me down, keeping me from my bigger purpose. And so the manic (a drive to get all the crap done) and the depressive (a feeling that it's impossible to do so and that it might not be worth it).